Friday, June 12, 2009 10:22 AM
It's been a longggg time since i last blogged, but this time i really feel the urge to post this piece.. i think it is probably becos i really want to share this with everybody, the amazing power of His grace and simply, His help and presence.It's 1.23am now, friday 12june, and i just arrived home from student camp day two.
and i am really relieved, though tired, but glad and pleased..
so the whole day's story is as such:
in the morning, i was preparing for the indoor games. It was quite nervewrecking becos i never trust IT stuff. IT stuff are too risky for me and i really don't like to do such games.. (altho i was looking forward to hbj)..
and i thought i was fully prepared, with the ppt slides done(altho changed over and over again due to technical glitches etc etc), with the people ready, with the hps done(sorry i made it a little sticky!!!!!!!sorry!!!) and i really tot it was okay.
and i din have the time, so called, to really ask God for strength and power; the whole time was preparing preparing preparing, last min checks etc.. altho my heart really yearns to go to Him in prayer, and seek Him in prayer before i go up on stage.. becos i needed to do storyline(which i din really think i can lol><) and the other la la zha zha thing.
and up on stage i was really at a loss.
things din go smoothly, and i was really disheartened. REALLY. i think campers can tell from my face. I let it show, becos i was so tired(so were the other helpers and gong zuo ren yuans, leaders etc) and to face an audience is really so...... exhausting.. and somemore things werent going the way we would have wanted it to be. hbj was.. slightly better; it was pretty entertaining, engaging, but again, problems cropped up and WHOA, i was near to tears. it was SO nervewrecking and the disappointing thing is also that i noe it could have been much better.
After teh whole indoor games thing, my mood really was VERY bad. no confidence, no energy. really, zap. gone, nothing, too tired to think and care. and i was feeling so uncomfortable. Probably becos of the recent late nights and improper meals.. for the first time in my life i felt my stomach turn upside down and i feel the gastric juices reflux in my stomach; i SOOO wanted to vomit; i almost did. and it was so horrible bcos there's still night games at night. near to a breakdown; if someone came to talk to me; i would have. but luckily i didnt haha. but the point here is to share how much i felt the love that this church has, as a community, as we come to care for each other becos we are bro and sis in Christ.
Cindy Teow came at night, and she saw me in the futang, then she asked me if i have eaten etc.. and i replied, er no. and then she went down to get an apple for me. i was really v gandong, and yar, i felt the love that we have as a church.. that you noe, altho we quite bu shou (altho she was my grp leader HAHA) but still, we care for each other and i was really touched..
and my juniors. THEY HELED ME A LOT THROUGHOUT THIS TIME. and i am really SO thankful for their help and support. without which i could nv have completed all the work in such a short time.
and also, for yongsheng, who really emphatised with me throughout the whole thing, after the failure i think i experienced for the night games.. He really helped me a lot in settling a lot of stuff of the night games stuff..
and all the station masters and helpers for the day's prog. so understanding, so supportive, so encouraging..
and yar.. it's just a really thankful kind of feeling lor.. not just that my "prog" ended today, but more of the kind of love exhibited by people in this church; the kind of special bondage and support we all share in times of need and when i needed it alot..
yar. and i never experienced so greatly the need for prayer before..
like, i really know now, how we can really reach God thru prayers, how God will listen, and how we should really just bare our hearts and ASK, becos he really aldy noes how we feel and what we need. even if answer is no, it is an absolute..
OH YA. speaking bout that. last nite during cluedo, i was suppposed to act. but to b honest, i really dunno what and how to act. i was in the toilet, and for the frist 2 groups i really like blurge, duno how, what to do etc, i even told them wrong info. then i prayed, i asked, God, help me thru this, help me to act, teach me to act.." then from there, slowly, as more groups come in, a story pictured in my mind, a short story line and an idea of what to act, and emotions came inside me and ya.. mangaed to scare a few kids i guess.. i duno, but i really felt that it was God teaching me and helping me.
so yar, that's all. mayb extend a bit another day..